I will start by apologizing for this post. I have so much to say that I can't possibly get it all out but I will try with this long, shortened version.
I promised I was going to keep up with this while I was gone but it has been a crazy two days. As of this moment we have about 8 hours until our interview. I know I should be sleeping but my brain wont shut off long enough for me to close my eyes. At least Martin is sleeping and he needs to rest, he will probably be the one answering all of the questions tomorrow.
So to catch everyone up on what's been going on. We had the kids for the weekend. I spent most of it trying to finish school work to end my quarter before we left. Got the kids home Monday and we stayed with friends in Dallas for the night. Of course I spent probably the first 2 or 3 hours held up in their bedroom trying to write a term paper that had to be finished before I left. Anyway, got that out of the way, didn't get any sleep and then left for the airport about 3:15 am to catch a 5:45 flight. Of course between me and my friend neither one of us could get to the airport (even with my gps on my phone) partly because of the road construction and partly because I have no sense of direction. Anyway, we make it to the airport around 4:15 or 4:30 and I'm feeling somewhat panicked. I hate flying out of DFW don't know my way around ugh just hate it. So we go in and find this really nice American Airlines employee who helps us get checked in with our passports, gets our bags checked and prints out our boarding tickets. I had looked online and it said our terminal was D gate D18. He carefully explains exactly how to get to the gate and we are on our way. We get there about 5:00 and nobody is there. Of course it's early in the morning so I'm just thinking we just got here before everyone else. I check the board and it shows our flight is on time; OK I can relax. Me and Martin are sitting there talking and nobody comes. Finally, I ask Martin, "What time is it?" He says 5:30.....WHAT??? My heart automatically starts pounding in my chest as the panic rises. He has never flown before so he didn't know what was suppose to be going on. I look at our boarding passes and it says Gate C17. OMG, we go running across the airport bags in hand. Have to go up a floor, take the shuttle bus to gate C, down a floor and get to the gate at about 5:40. Nobody is there except the people behind the counter. I show her our boarding pass because I cant speak I'm so out of breath, she says "oh, you made it! We just paged you over the intercom" The plane is waiting for you. Thank Goodness!! We board the completely full plane with everyone looking at us like YOU were the ones holding us up....great. We find our seats, find a place to store our bags and the pilot comes on to tell us they are working on some maintenance issues and we are going to have a slight delay...really? I'm a mess and we haven't gotten off the ground.
Fast forward to Miami, everything is fine with the flight except for I had this really nice man sitting next to me who spoke Spanish to me the entire flight even though I told him I don't speak Spanish. Finally after a half a day of flying and no food we reach Honduras. We get through immigration and customs fairly easy. We get out of the airport and there are seriously hundreds of people just standing there staring at you. Some want money, some want to carry your bags for money, some just want your bags. Luckily we had a shuttle service scheduled to pick us up and he had a huge sign with my name so he was easy to locate. We follow him to this beat up little car that doesn't look like it will make it down the road. Once on the road all became clear.....these people do not know how to drive! The streets are small and packed with cars. Two lane roads are barley big enough for two cars and motorcycles come speeding up between the cars going 50 mph. like nothing. Nobody stops for signs and everyone honks at everyone. There is no yielding they just creep into ongoing traffic until someone finally stops to avoid hitting you. So that was a lot of fun. Again luckily, our hotel was only about 10 mins from the airport.
Fast forward to our first meeting with Michell......when we get to the hotel they tell us that they are already checked into their room so we get settled and Martin calls their room. Michell answers, she is so excited, they are on their way to our room. Me and Martin are both pacing the floor and he says I don't know what to do, I just want to grab her and hug her. I tell him don't do that or you will scare her. He says my heart will break if something goes wrong and she cant come home with us. At this point I am fighting back tears and then we hear her coming. She is laughing and happy and excited.....we open the door and as soon as she sees us she starts crying hysterically and runs to her mother screaming lets go mommy, get me out of here. This continues for about 15 minutes or so. Martin tries to talk to her but she is crying so hard. I'm just standing there not knowing what to do. She was with her mom, her step dad and her uncle. All of them are trying to calm her down and get her to talk to Martin. He brings out the baby doll we brought for her and she starts smiling through her tears. She takes the baby but still wont get close to Martin. Another 10 minutes go by and she is talking to him but she still wont get near either one of us. Martin looks at me with the saddest eyes ever and says I just want to touch her hand. I told him to wait until she was ready. We go get the pictures of the two of them from their Skype calls. She points at herself and says "Michell" then she points and Martin and says "Mi Poppy" That was it, she finally figured it out and they have been stuck like glue since :-) You would never know looking at them that they just met in person for the first time yesterday. He is such a good daddy, and her mom has really been good with all of this. Once Michell was fine with Martin she has just kind of stepped back and let us take care of her. She is just kind of watching from the sidelines and I know this is hard for her, but she is just letting us get to know Michell and vice versa. We spent the rest of the day with all of them and things were great. That night when they got ready to go back to their room. Her mom asked if she wanted to go with them or stay and she wanted to stay with us. We kept her for another 45 mins or so and just talked to her and colored with her and got her ready for bed before taking her back to her mom.
This morning we were up at six, got dressed and called their room to see if she was up. Her mom said yes, she is waiting for you. We went over to get her and she was waiting at the door. She is so cute I cant even explain it. We spent all day today with her and now the thought of leaving her here is what keeps me from sleeping tonight. I don't know what we will do.
Here is this child that until yesterday we didn't even know and now we cant imagine not having her. How does that even happen? She cant understand me and I don't understand her but I love her so much already. I just want to take her home. I want to let her soak in a bath tub and wash her hair. I want to wash away the dirt that looks like it's tattooed on her skin. I want to clean her fingernails so you can actually see the pink we painted them today instead of the dirt that shows thru. Don't get me wrong. She is a very loved little girl by her mom and she does the best she can but things are different here, much different and we all want her to have a better life.
I've had conversations (with Martin translating) with her mom. She LOVES this little girl and she is so brave to be doing this. I have so much respect for her. She said that people keep asking her why she is doing this. Why she is letting her go. I told her I understand. I told her that I know that there are people that think bad of me because I let my kids go live with their dad but I didn't do it because I didn't love them. I did it because I loved them enough to put what they needed and what was best for them above what I wanted and needed.
This is not easy.........and now we have 7 hours.
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